Back & Asthma Issues

Well the last month has been a difficult one for me. I have had nothing but problems with my Asthma the past month or so. I was having trouble sleeping as I would wake up not being able to breath so, I would have to get up and use my puffer, which disturbs my sleep. Even walking outside in the cold has affected me too. It's scary when you can't breath. Then I hurt my back trying to lift one of our golden retriever's into the wash bay at the SPCA a few weeks back. I shouldn't have tried to lift her in but, she was resisting and so I thought I could lift her but, I was wrong. I haven't been able to participate in Kung Fu and the one night I did try, I was in so much pain after class I decided to sit out the next few. I did come and watch and took lots of notes.

Well I finally went to the walk in clinic and got a new puffer and a referral for massage therapy which, I will be starting on Saturday so hopefully a few treatments and I will feel better. I am going to try and participate in kung fu and just do a non intensive warm up and class. My Asthma is still an issue so we shall see.

Susan Crawford

Life Gets In the Way.....

Well it's been about a month and a half since I have been back at Kung Fu. This time around it feels different. I feel like I am more focused while I am in class and I am not trying to be as good as everyone else, I am trying to be good for my own learning at my own pace. Althought there are times when I still doubt my skill level but, I am trying to not let those thoughts enter my mind. It also made me feel good when most of my class said they were glad I was back. I also have had a few people in my class tell me my skills have improve.

Now on another note, I am finding it difficult to get into a training routine at home. I have done up a schedule for myself but, everytime I plan on putting it into action, something seems to interfere with it, hence the title of this blog. I have an area in my basement all set up for training and practicing so, it's not like I don't have anywhere to go. I even have music to listen to while I practice and train plus, an audience of a cat and two golden retrievers. I am usually a great multi-tasker at work but, when it comes to my kung fu, I seem to have issues. I guess I just need to get strict with myself and as soon as I get home from work start my training and then let life get in the way afterward.

Susan Crawford

Communication

Wow two blogs for me in one day, this is amazing! The thoughts are flowing today.

I just wanted to post a shorter blog than my last one. For all of you new members and regular members, I feel I should talk about communication. I for one did not communicate with Sifu Brinker or Sifu Masterson for that matter about my issues earlier. To do this was way out of my comfort zone. This nearly caused me to quit my kung fu.

I strongly recommend and especially for the new students, don't be afraid to talk to the Sifus when you have issues. I found that they won't know what's wrong if you don't tell them. They can't read your mind. It doesn't matter what the issue is whether it is good or bad or even if it doesn't have anything to do with your kung fu.

I know I was causing myself a lot of anxiety about my kung fu and never told anyone about it. That'a a bad habit to have and it is one that I have to work on everyday and not just in kung fu but in life too. I am relying on my kung fu to make me have more self confidence and to come forward and talk to someone when I have a problem or to even tell them when something great happens.

Susan Crawford

Just About Threw the Towel In.....

So some of you probably have noticed that I haven't been around for I am guessing, it is about two months now. I had holidays from work and that is when I went astray with my Kung Fu. I was going up and down, back and forth trying to decide if I should quit or not. I came to this conclusion because I thought it was nice to be able to not have to go to class while I was on vacation. I thought taking a break and getting somewhat refreshed would give me the answers I needed so, one week led into 3 weeks which led into a month and here I am two months later and haven't been to class.

During this time, I was going over and over in my head and I am not going to lie to you, I don't like going to the orange belt class. I was feeling that my skills were not good enough and why was I even attempting it. I was looking for every excuse not to go to class. I am terrified of the sparring aspect of this class, although Sifu Brinker and Sifu Masterson set it up for me so I could spar with only one black belt during the class so, I could get more comfortable with it and that was working for me. I always had this phase of anxiety knowing that I had to come to class and hope I survived it. I saw all the other orange belts and how well their skills were and wished I could be that way too.

Just to go back a little bit, when Mr. Crawford and I joined, he had a background in karate and I felt his skills were really good. I was always trying to keep up to him and wanted to advance quickly like him and then I would get dissapointed with myself because I couldn't keep up with him or my skills were junior because I was just learning.

He has now decided he wasn't going to continue with Kung Fu and immediately I had decided I wasn't going to continue either because he was my security blanket and I had this fear of coming to class without him. I couldn't survive on my own if he wasn't there too. I know I shouldn't think this way but, I lack some self confidence and that is why.

Anyways, I went and had a meeting with Sifu Brinker last night and spilled my guts to him about how I was feeling and where my head was at that moment. We talked about a lot things and I can honestly say going to him and talking to him about my issues was really stepping out of my comfort zone big time. I should have come and talked to him sooner and Mr. Crawford kept giving me the knudge to do this but, I couldn't bring myself to do it because I don't like conflict even though I have no conflict with Sifu.

After the meeting, I decided I was going to stay and give it another shot. It helped me to be able to express my feelings to Sifu and once I got started, it became easier and easier. I will in the future do this again if I start to feel anxious.

I stayed after to watch the beginner class for a little bit and talked to Mr. Repay and Mr. Tymchuk and I even felt better after talking to them and they were happy I was staying. As Mr. Repay and I were chatting he reminded me of being in this class and how far he thought I had come. Watching them made me feel that at one time I was in their position working my way up. It humbled me for sure.

So I shall see you all on MOnday at 8:30. It feels good to come back.

Susan Crawford

Still Kickin

Hi All

I haven't blogged in a while so I thought I better write something.

Not too much to say. Brian and I are on holidays so, if anyone has been wondering where we are that's what's happening. We will be back to kung fu on Monday August 9.
The break has been nice although we haven't really left the province to go anywhere.

I can honestly say I am failing at my Kung Fu regime and need to get myself out of the hole I have dug and get motivated again. I know lots of us drive into Edmonton to work but, the drive really exhausts me after work and that's where I lack the motivation. Sifu Brinker says "you should be doing at least 15 minutes every day by practicing" I sometimes don't even have the energy to do that. Lately I haven't been feeling very good either so that doesn't help. My sleeping pattern has been all over the place too. My lower back has been giving me grief. I am a young person in a 80 year old body.

Well not much more to say. I read Mr. Janzen's blog and I can relate to his situation totally. I am the only person who can change my thinking and that's what I need to do right now. I need to devise a schedule maybe.

Susan Crawford

A Lesson in Trust

At work I have a friend who I would go walking with on our breaks who works in the same office as me. We would talk about work stuff and personal issues with our families and such. Well at least I thought she was my friend, I found out last week I cannot trust her anymore because I found out by accident that she was bad mouthing me to another one of our colleagues last week. When I found out I was so angry I was vibrating and also upset because of what she said to the other person. She was questioning my IQ and my work abilities with respect to knowing how to do my job. Luckily another friend came by at the right time who doesn't work in the office with us and she calmed me down as I was going to confront the two people about what they said about me, which would have been a bad scene as I accidently saw their conversation through a progam we have called communicator, clicked on it by accident saw my name and of course curiosity took over.

After reading it I felt this great sadness as I couldn't believe they said that about me especially when I thought she was my friend. I feel I am a nice person and treat people with respect. I am sure in my life time people have said bad things about me and it probably won't be the last time but, it has been bothering me ever since it happened. When I told Brian about it he couldn't believe it either and told me to just not go walking with her anymore and don't tell her anything.

I feel awkward around both of them now but, I know I must let it go or it's going to eat away at me.

This has happened to me before, I trust people and give them the benefit of the doubt and then it comes back and bites me in the butt. I am having a hard time now with trusting people but, it has been a life lesson I will never forget. BRian has also told me that I trust too many people sometimes and that they take advantage of my trust and then use it against me.

Anyways just wanted to tell my story and hope getting it out will help me feel better. Thanks for reading my blog and listening to my story.

Susan Crawford

Tried It Once Now

Well about a week ago I tried some sparring for the first time. I was really nervous about it but, my partner was good at sparring to my level. He even asked me if I had ever done it before and I said no and told him I was nervous about it. I definetly have no idea what to do when it comes to sparring. I know as I do it in class I hope I will get better. I feel like a fish flopping around out of water to say the least. I even told my partner that he may have been better off with another partner.

My self confidence is lacking lately with respect to my kung fu skills. I feel it is going to take a long time for me until I feel confident with myself. I know I have worked hard to get where I am and I wouldn't be an orange belt if Sifu Brinker didn't think I deserved it.

Well that's it for this time. Talk to you later.

Susan Crawford

Finally Got The Gear - Yikes!

Well I finally got the gear the other night at kung fu, I just need to buy a mouth guard and hope I don't gag on it.

I can honestly say I am feeling a little bit nervous about the whole sparring thing. I have seen it done a few times in class and wonder if I will be able to prepare myself for the task. I have spoken to a few classmates and some sifus and sihings and they say they all felt the same way. They also tell me it gets better as you do it in class and by practicing. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right? I know in my mind I have to at least try it. Everyone has to start somewhere right?

Anyways not much more to say just thought I would put my feelings out there. Thank you to everyone who has given me advice about the sparring.

Susan Crawford :)

A New Challenge Has Appeared.........I AM AN ORANGE BELT NOW

As of the night of March 31, I am now an orange belt. I went to my first class that night not knowing what to expect. I felt out of place because I was so use to going to the white/yellow belt glass and knowing all the students from that class and chating them up as we warmed up together. I know eventually I will get to know more students in the orange belt class as I go to each class but it's strange to be there although, it's a good strange. I am a little nervous about the sparring part of the class but, have talked to a few black belts and they have reassured me it will be okay and that a lot of students felt nervous at first but, once they proceeded with each class they lost the nervousness and fear. I guess this is another lesson for me in stepping out of my comfort zone but each time I do step out, it makes me a stronger person.

I guess sometimes I have self doubt about my skills but, when Sifu Brinker told me the night he graded me that my kung fu has improved a lot since I first started, it made me feel really good because lately I was wondering if I have what it takes to be a great martial artist. I know my skills have come a long way since I started kung fu and I guess I just needed to hear it to reassure myself.

I just want to say thank you to Sifu Shipalesky, Sifu Stoddard, Sifu T. Playter, Sifu M. Playter and all the other Sifu's or Sihings that helped me out in the white/yellow belt classes. I really miss you guys and hope I will see you sometime in the future. Also a huge thank you to Brian who has helped me and encouraged me to practice at home.

That's it for this blog.

Susan Crawford

Aches, Pains, and a Bottle of Advil

Well lately or for the past two weeks my body has been really sore. My knees are bothering me, my lower back is extremely sore and it seems like every joint right down to my big toe hurts. I have been trying to do the back exercises that were given to me by my physio therapist and even that is not helping very much. I have been using the heating pad on my back and trying to ice my knees for some comfort. When I feel this way especially when my back is sore, I get really cranky. I try to take advil and robaxacet for my back but, I don't always like to take drugs for every little ache and pain but, get to that point where I have to.

Monday's class was great but after class my back and stomach where killing me so, I went home took a hot bath and some robaxacet which helped for the moment but my back is still sore. Today my ribs are sore too, which is unusual. It's really bugging me because I had started a routine of kicking the bag, punching the bag and my forms and some stretching but, now I am losing my motivation because of the aches and pains.

I am running out of Advil and may need to go to Costco to get the giant size as Mr. Crawford is also feeling the aches and pains. I think Brian is ready to ship me off to some foreign country because I am so crabby lately. I guess the reality that old age is starting to slowly set in. It's like Sifu Brinker said "Train Smarter not Harder"

Anyways thanks for listening to my rant and rave and hopefully I will be feeling good again soon.

Susan Crawford

No More Security Blanket

Well last night Mr. Crawford was tested for his orange belt and passed so now we are going to be in different classes. I knew this was going to happen but now it has and I have to deal with it. I know eventually I will be an orange belt but, it is going to be strange going to the yellow belt class without Brian there. I guess I am feeling a little nervous about the whole thing as this would be stepping out of my comfort zone a little bit. Its not like I need to have Brian there everywhere I go but, it was nice knowing he was there. That's why hence my title, No More Security Blanket.

After our class on Monday I did come back for Brian's orange belt class and it was awesome watching that class. There sure are a lot of orange belts in that 8:30 class. As I sat there watching, I started to have some self doubt set in and was wondering if I have what it takes to get there. I know I have improved since I started as a White belt but, have come to the realization that I will have to step up more to the plate. I do practice at home but realize that it might not be enough and that I will have to practice even more.I have always known I need to practice more but, sometimes I lose the motivation and try to make excuses for myself for not practicing a lot more. Like oh I am too tired tonight or I have something else that needs to be done.

I have decided, New Year, New Challenges for myself. I have to be my own person when it comes to my Kung Fu Journey. Ask for help when I need it. I can't compare myself to anyone else and I have to look out for me and focus on my learning.

Well I guess that's all I have to say for now. Good luck to everyone who has joined up for the next UBBT. I someday would like to also be in that challenge.

Susan Crawford.