Wow two blogs for me in one day, this is amazing! The thoughts are flowing today.
I just wanted to post a shorter blog than my last one. For all of you new members and regular members, I feel I should talk about communication. I for one did not communicate with Sifu Brinker or Sifu Masterson for that matter about my issues earlier. To do this was way out of my comfort zone. This nearly caused me to quit my kung fu.
I strongly recommend and especially for the new students, don't be afraid to talk to the Sifus when you have issues. I found that they won't know what's wrong if you don't tell them. They can't read your mind. It doesn't matter what the issue is whether it is good or bad or even if it doesn't have anything to do with your kung fu.
I know I was causing myself a lot of anxiety about my kung fu and never told anyone about it. That'a a bad habit to have and it is one that I have to work on everyday and not just in kung fu but in life too. I am relying on my kung fu to make me have more self confidence and to come forward and talk to someone when I have a problem or to even tell them when something great happens.
Susan Crawford
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Just About Threw the Towel In.....
So some of you probably have noticed that I haven't been around for I am guessing, it is about two months now. I had holidays from work and that is when I went astray with my Kung Fu. I was going up and down, back and forth trying to decide if I should quit or not. I came to this conclusion because I thought it was nice to be able to not have to go to class while I was on vacation. I thought taking a break and getting somewhat refreshed would give me the answers I needed so, one week led into 3 weeks which led into a month and here I am two months later and haven't been to class.
During this time, I was going over and over in my head and I am not going to lie to you, I don't like going to the orange belt class. I was feeling that my skills were not good enough and why was I even attempting it. I was looking for every excuse not to go to class. I am terrified of the sparring aspect of this class, although Sifu Brinker and Sifu Masterson set it up for me so I could spar with only one black belt during the class so, I could get more comfortable with it and that was working for me. I always had this phase of anxiety knowing that I had to come to class and hope I survived it. I saw all the other orange belts and how well their skills were and wished I could be that way too.
Just to go back a little bit, when Mr. Crawford and I joined, he had a background in karate and I felt his skills were really good. I was always trying to keep up to him and wanted to advance quickly like him and then I would get dissapointed with myself because I couldn't keep up with him or my skills were junior because I was just learning.
He has now decided he wasn't going to continue with Kung Fu and immediately I had decided I wasn't going to continue either because he was my security blanket and I had this fear of coming to class without him. I couldn't survive on my own if he wasn't there too. I know I shouldn't think this way but, I lack some self confidence and that is why.
Anyways, I went and had a meeting with Sifu Brinker last night and spilled my guts to him about how I was feeling and where my head was at that moment. We talked about a lot things and I can honestly say going to him and talking to him about my issues was really stepping out of my comfort zone big time. I should have come and talked to him sooner and Mr. Crawford kept giving me the knudge to do this but, I couldn't bring myself to do it because I don't like conflict even though I have no conflict with Sifu.
After the meeting, I decided I was going to stay and give it another shot. It helped me to be able to express my feelings to Sifu and once I got started, it became easier and easier. I will in the future do this again if I start to feel anxious.
I stayed after to watch the beginner class for a little bit and talked to Mr. Repay and Mr. Tymchuk and I even felt better after talking to them and they were happy I was staying. As Mr. Repay and I were chatting he reminded me of being in this class and how far he thought I had come. Watching them made me feel that at one time I was in their position working my way up. It humbled me for sure.
So I shall see you all on MOnday at 8:30. It feels good to come back.
Susan Crawford
During this time, I was going over and over in my head and I am not going to lie to you, I don't like going to the orange belt class. I was feeling that my skills were not good enough and why was I even attempting it. I was looking for every excuse not to go to class. I am terrified of the sparring aspect of this class, although Sifu Brinker and Sifu Masterson set it up for me so I could spar with only one black belt during the class so, I could get more comfortable with it and that was working for me. I always had this phase of anxiety knowing that I had to come to class and hope I survived it. I saw all the other orange belts and how well their skills were and wished I could be that way too.
Just to go back a little bit, when Mr. Crawford and I joined, he had a background in karate and I felt his skills were really good. I was always trying to keep up to him and wanted to advance quickly like him and then I would get dissapointed with myself because I couldn't keep up with him or my skills were junior because I was just learning.
He has now decided he wasn't going to continue with Kung Fu and immediately I had decided I wasn't going to continue either because he was my security blanket and I had this fear of coming to class without him. I couldn't survive on my own if he wasn't there too. I know I shouldn't think this way but, I lack some self confidence and that is why.
Anyways, I went and had a meeting with Sifu Brinker last night and spilled my guts to him about how I was feeling and where my head was at that moment. We talked about a lot things and I can honestly say going to him and talking to him about my issues was really stepping out of my comfort zone big time. I should have come and talked to him sooner and Mr. Crawford kept giving me the knudge to do this but, I couldn't bring myself to do it because I don't like conflict even though I have no conflict with Sifu.
After the meeting, I decided I was going to stay and give it another shot. It helped me to be able to express my feelings to Sifu and once I got started, it became easier and easier. I will in the future do this again if I start to feel anxious.
I stayed after to watch the beginner class for a little bit and talked to Mr. Repay and Mr. Tymchuk and I even felt better after talking to them and they were happy I was staying. As Mr. Repay and I were chatting he reminded me of being in this class and how far he thought I had come. Watching them made me feel that at one time I was in their position working my way up. It humbled me for sure.
So I shall see you all on MOnday at 8:30. It feels good to come back.
Susan Crawford
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