A Lesson in Trust

At work I have a friend who I would go walking with on our breaks who works in the same office as me. We would talk about work stuff and personal issues with our families and such. Well at least I thought she was my friend, I found out last week I cannot trust her anymore because I found out by accident that she was bad mouthing me to another one of our colleagues last week. When I found out I was so angry I was vibrating and also upset because of what she said to the other person. She was questioning my IQ and my work abilities with respect to knowing how to do my job. Luckily another friend came by at the right time who doesn't work in the office with us and she calmed me down as I was going to confront the two people about what they said about me, which would have been a bad scene as I accidently saw their conversation through a progam we have called communicator, clicked on it by accident saw my name and of course curiosity took over.

After reading it I felt this great sadness as I couldn't believe they said that about me especially when I thought she was my friend. I feel I am a nice person and treat people with respect. I am sure in my life time people have said bad things about me and it probably won't be the last time but, it has been bothering me ever since it happened. When I told Brian about it he couldn't believe it either and told me to just not go walking with her anymore and don't tell her anything.

I feel awkward around both of them now but, I know I must let it go or it's going to eat away at me.

This has happened to me before, I trust people and give them the benefit of the doubt and then it comes back and bites me in the butt. I am having a hard time now with trusting people but, it has been a life lesson I will never forget. BRian has also told me that I trust too many people sometimes and that they take advantage of my trust and then use it against me.

Anyways just wanted to tell my story and hope getting it out will help me feel better. Thanks for reading my blog and listening to my story.

Susan Crawford

Tried It Once Now

Well about a week ago I tried some sparring for the first time. I was really nervous about it but, my partner was good at sparring to my level. He even asked me if I had ever done it before and I said no and told him I was nervous about it. I definetly have no idea what to do when it comes to sparring. I know as I do it in class I hope I will get better. I feel like a fish flopping around out of water to say the least. I even told my partner that he may have been better off with another partner.

My self confidence is lacking lately with respect to my kung fu skills. I feel it is going to take a long time for me until I feel confident with myself. I know I have worked hard to get where I am and I wouldn't be an orange belt if Sifu Brinker didn't think I deserved it.

Well that's it for this time. Talk to you later.

Susan Crawford